a whole lot of maybes.

it's 2:54 am and i type random garbage that no one would want to read anyways. i am currently listening to the chantels "maybe." if you didn't know.. at a young age, maybe around the age of 7 i started listening to music from the 40s to the 60s (particularly motown and doo wop). anyways, the lyrics go "maybe if i pray every night, you'd come back to me." link for reference http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jNijnSY0AA – depressing. i don't know why i like sad music, it's almost as though i'm asking to get sad. my life is going through all sorts of transitions, i had a friend die, my sister and three of my friends moved away to different parts of the world. career talks and growing up, it's all very different.

what is it about these songs that make me feel so wistful, even if they're supposed to be happy? i mean, take for example diana ross and the supremes.. their song "i hear a symphony" is supposed to be happy but instead i'm filled with a feeling of heavy regret and sadness. perhaps it's just diana ross's voice. hmm i'm rambling. maybe it's just me.

arlene smith's pleading voice in "maybe" just gets to me and reminds me of a time when i did the same thing, especially regarding you, christopher. i've lost you. chris, if you're willing to hear me out.. i just want to ask you one question.

why did you stop caring about me?

as arlene smith pleads and prays away in this song.. i'm doing my own prayers, if i try hard enough, maybe some unknown force out there would be kind. it would give me a miracle or a gift, and you'll be part of my life again. maybe, maybe, baby.