stacey's going to the fake prom tonight. as much as i wanted to go, i'm stuck here at home. i hope she has fun tonight. i promise to myself that i'm going to be more adventurous and spontaneous. when the next fake prom rolls around next summer, i will be there with dress and bells on.
i just want for once to go into unknown places without a feeling of deep hesitation and possible regret. i want to dive in without thinking to see what happens. but the neurotic in me will think that should i do that..... i would most likely get hurt physically or emotionally. it's this weird defense mechanism i've developed over the years. i should just get over it but i can't seem to do it.
i'm going to my first summer house party in ages tomorrow with alex and stacey. let's hope for the best. i will see some savory and unsavory characters tomorrow. let's just hope that my neurotic tendencies die down for a little bit.
allan called me the other day and his voice message made me smile. so i guess i'm calling him tonight. :)
